Screwed.edu
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
