I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
