remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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