About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
