so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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