I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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