what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
