You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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