We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
