awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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