As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
