also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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