she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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