Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
