on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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