gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
