I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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