ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
