And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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