A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
