My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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