just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
