Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
