garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
