I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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