So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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