i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
