i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
