i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
