sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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