He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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