So drunk its hurt
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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