I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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