Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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