Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Bring me that man meat
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
