My first STD was from a foam party
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
