During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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