I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
