That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
