i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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