Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
