we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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