it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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