I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This show inspires me to have sex in space
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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