I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
