I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
