so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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