This dress was meant to end up on your floor
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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