does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
