Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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