What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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